Diwali is over. You wake up in the morning and feel like going away from the city, from the sounds of bursting crackers, from the hurly burly of people and their blaring laughter. You remind yourself that this is the first time in your life you are alone on a Diwali. You are not going to meet anyone who knows you. It's been a long time you left your city. Diwali had always been so colourful and boisterous for you. You were fond of chocolate bombs and flower pots and kali potka. You liked the way kali potka used to resonate inside the neighbourhood houses. You were the only girl with the group of boys who used to burn those loud firecrackers. Baba is a brave man. He taught you to confront fears and overcome the anxieties. You didn't even light up a sparkling stick this time! You miss buying a candle today.
You are tired of stomaches and ceaseless mood shifts. You want to just leave right now. Go to the countryside and close to the nature. You remember sitting alone at the edge of a mountain in the Western Ghats, not a very long time ago. You walked and walked in the woods till you found yourself one with nothingness. You would like to take a that kind of walk. For a couple of hours perhaps. And talk occasionally. As the afternoon makes way for evening, you walk back towards your refuge for the night. You want your face to be lit up by the warmth of the setting sun. You start talking. About life, breathing, God, ambitions and failures, and you. You tell yourself you have not had such a blissful experience for many months now. As the night falls, you start looking at all the corners of the sky, searching for the moon. You love to repeat that exercise all over again whenever your eyeline meets the horizon. You start counting the stars and before the number reaches hundred you fall asleep without knowing.
You are always caught between your desires. You are a wanderer. Being defeated once again, you ask yourself foolishly why you didn't take birth in one of the nomadic tribes of the desert.
A thousand desires such as these
Each worth dying for
Many of them I have realized
Yet I yearn for more
- Mirza Ghalib
P.S. The nomad celebrated Diwali at home waiting for she didn't know what :)
You are tired of stomaches and ceaseless mood shifts. You want to just leave right now. Go to the countryside and close to the nature. You remember sitting alone at the edge of a mountain in the Western Ghats, not a very long time ago. You walked and walked in the woods till you found yourself one with nothingness. You would like to take a that kind of walk. For a couple of hours perhaps. And talk occasionally. As the afternoon makes way for evening, you walk back towards your refuge for the night. You want your face to be lit up by the warmth of the setting sun. You start talking. About life, breathing, God, ambitions and failures, and you. You tell yourself you have not had such a blissful experience for many months now. As the night falls, you start looking at all the corners of the sky, searching for the moon. You love to repeat that exercise all over again whenever your eyeline meets the horizon. You start counting the stars and before the number reaches hundred you fall asleep without knowing.
You are always caught between your desires. You are a wanderer. Being defeated once again, you ask yourself foolishly why you didn't take birth in one of the nomadic tribes of the desert.
A thousand desires such as these
Each worth dying for
Many of them I have realized
Yet I yearn for more
- Mirza Ghalib
P.S. The nomad celebrated Diwali at home waiting for she didn't know what :)
