Saturday, May 26, 2012

Healing of the past

He is still a dreamer. He cherishes his dreams like before. He still nurtures his entrepreneurship visions of creating a big organisation, much like Infosys or Wipro. Five years is a long time. Last time when I met him in Kolkata in 2007, I asked him not to meet me again.  In these five years, much has changed: he finally opened his business venture, created employment opportunities for more than a dozen people,  travels to places for business and pleasure, and has created an identity for himself and his company. Nevertheless, there are some things that still haven't changed: his long eyelashes still cast a prominent shadow on his face when lit up by light; the edges of breads even today remain as the leftovers on his plate; he still continues to wipe his face with hand and continues to dream high and works sincerely to make his dreams come true. His indomitable confidence and spirit of life remain unchanged, rather have become stronger as life moved on.


In these two days, I went back to the life in which he played a very important role. He wanted to explore a demented person's mind and transform her into an optimistic person. He worked hard for her exams more than she did. After suns, she finally left the city and abandoned him. Dreams never came to an end.
Those were the days of seasons in the sun. The winter came after Lucknow.


Past crawls back into the wound. Healing begins.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Conversations and emptiness

This was something I didn’t know will happen but happened. I knew before going for this trip that something will change, some part of my life and it did. Oh, I don’t know what to say. I am sad, extremely sad. I don’t want to go back to that home. Please no no. I want to go back to Pondi or some place else. I feel extremely sad. Both kinds of feelings are extremely opposites and overwhelming - the power of conversations and exploring people and places, and the feeling of emptiness, once the conversations are done and you are alone. Something made me realise in this journey to Pondicherry and back is that I can't marry now. I won't be happy being married. I have to pretend and I have to make myself understand that I am happy. After few months, I would run away from my marriage, from the people. So the point of pretending being happy doesn't come. What would I do? I would travel, write and read books, as I always used to.