This was something I didn’t know will happen but happened. I knew before going for this trip that something will change, some part of my life and it did. Oh, I don’t know what to say. I am sad, extremely sad. I don’t want to go back to that home. Please no no. I want to go back to Pondi or some place else. I feel extremely sad. Both kinds of feelings are extremely opposites and overwhelming - the power of conversations and exploring people and places, and the feeling of emptiness, once the conversations are done and you are alone. Something made me realise in this journey to Pondicherry and back is that I can't marry now. I won't be happy being married. I have to pretend and I have to make myself understand that I am happy. After few months, I would run away from my marriage, from the people. So the point of pretending being happy doesn't come. What would I do? I would travel, write and read books, as I always used to.
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